I told myself I was going to go to a festival today near downtown Atlanta. And I spent a good deal of time today trying to weasel out of it: the drive is too long, the parking will be terrible, I don’t want to spend any money anyway, I should be working. And the best one, my ex is a jerk because he got to pick a better area to live than I did, one that is way more convenient to these fun activities. Can’t you just hear the violins? Like that last thought has anything to do with going to a festival!
But I said to myself, shut up, get in the car and go. You said you wanted to go. You are in charge of you. You can be a victim or you can do something about it.
So I went. Note to self: don’t listen to your automatic thoughts. They want to take you out.
I found a spot right next to the event. I walked around and saw some lovely stuff, complimented some artists on their work; it wasn’t a huge market by the time I got there but it was perfect. I bought a magnet to remind myself of one of my passions and core beliefs: Wildness is a necessity.
What I also saw were families, friends, people socializing together down there. And I realize that going to places like that confronts my lack of some of that in my life. I love being part of a family with a mom, dad and kids. And I don’t have that unified family right now. I compare what I have to what I think a family “should” be and then I’m sad or lonely.
It’s the attachment to that standard that is the painful part, though, and in not being willing to give it up, it keeps the pain present. Family looks like a whole lot of things. And I have been stuck thinking that my family unit is incomplete right now. Does that mean that I don’t eventually want to find another partner? No. The family I have right now, though, is the family I have. My kids are awesome. We love each other and are connected and have fun together.
I can breathe a little easier without that comparison. Be grateful for all that I do have. And look at what steps to take to keep adding to my family: being open and looking for partnership and a creating a social circle of parents and friends who are active together.
That’s exciting.